“we have a I guess you'll call internal policy guideline that you how we can escalate stuff to me if need to be... basically if you don't feel 100% confident with your decision whatever that may be because I want to back you up um I'm a full believer I'll back my employee up”

Write an explicit moderator escalation policy

Document an escalation policy so volunteer moderators know exactly when to ping you, and tell them publicly you'll back their judgment by default. "Nothing's too small, if your gut doesn't match we'll talk" — that single sentence retains moderators because they never feel hung out to dry, and catches edge cases before they become PR fires.